Tips for combating Mom Guilt as a Nurse

Overview

Being a nurse is one of the most rewarding and fulfilling careers out there. However, it also comes with an array of challenges, including motherhood. You see, balancing between nursing work and motherhood is an extremely challenging job, especially for new moms. The job gets even more complicated by the postpartum hormones, role shifts, recognition that you carry the lion’s share of the housework/childcare, and overall less time for yourself.  The nursing profession requires that we care for the well being of others and it can feel like at the detriment to the well being of our families

For this reason, we are seeing an increase in the number of nurses who feel distressed and guilty about leaving their children while working or covering a shift. These negative emotions will negatively affect your personal and professional life.

In this article, I will share a few tips to help you combat mom guilt as a nurse.

The best tips for combating mom guilt as a nurse

Ask the help from others

Asking for Help Tip #1 We find that sharing your feelings with other people is one of the most important steps to cope with mom guilt as a nurse. You can always speak with your partner about the negative emotions you’ve been having and ask for help. You are both in the child rearing game together; so let him know how you are feeling. On the podcast this week, Ashley Reckdenwald, MS, PA and I discuss some of the issues working moms face when returning back to the workforce. She talks about being put out to “pasture” when she came back from maternity leave after her third baby. She perfectly articulates the loss women face when they become moms at the workplace and the lack of community support available. She has worked to create a space where moms can come and find support called “Working Mom Notes.” Listen to the episode to hear what she is about!

I have personally seen how this has affected my NP career. Torn between working, raising a family and being a non-stressed out partner I have felt trapped by performance at both work and home. I then struggled with feeling like I am failing at both daily.

Asking for Help Tip #2 Another thing you can do is taking off a day to refresh – Go to a hotel with your partner or do one of the things you used to enjoy before. For me personally, I make myself get a pedicure because of the much-needed alone time. Sometimes I take a book, an audio book, or not a single thing and I just sit in silence.

Asking for Help Tip #3 You can also request external help from family, friends, or professional caregivers. It’s hard to know whom to trust your children with but find moms friends with like-minded beliefs and values to start. They can share whom they use for childcare, or even help with childcare themselves. You can support one another- by rotating turns watching the kids.

Don’t lose touch with your pre-mom self

Recall some of the hobbies you used to enjoy and engage in them. After a few years, you will be grateful that you didn’t let it all go, especially when your children grow up and become somewhat independent. My hobbies prior to having my son mostly included going out salsa dancing, traveling, and shopping. After a baby, it gets hard to do those things so I recommend finding activities that you can do around the house or not far that bring you a lot of joy. Start by asking, what makes me forget about the stress that I enjoy working on? Could it be crafting, journaling, podcasting, photo editing, digital design or dog walking? Whatever it is, do it because it will connect you with your old pre-mom self that you miss when you are busy raising kiddos!

Divide the journey into feasible tasks

As your children grow, their dependency on you will gradually decrease. There will be a day when you don’t have to help them tie their shoes or read them a bedtime story. I love reminding myself that this too is temporary.

So, you don’t need to worry about everything together. Do what you can do today and leave the tasks of tomorrow for tomorrow. I love the scripture, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34

Remember studying in nurse and nurse practitioner school? You divide the lectures into several sections and review them individually. Each time you finish a task, cross it off your list. Daily I write a to-do for the day. I try my best to stay focused on what I can do for that day only. I talk to myself and say Sandra you can only do what you can do today, give the rest to the Lord. And I rest on his strength not my own.

Ask yourself whether your guilt is rational

While some guilt thoughts have some roots, others are completely irrational. If you notice that you are feeling guilty for something that does not make sense, you need to be able to recognize it. Life is not what we thoughts we hear about ourselves but what we let ourselves believe is true. Reframe your thoughts and only focus on what you can control. It will make a world of difference to your mental health.

Remember that most moms have working jobs. Of course, they are nowhere near as demanding as nursing; however, they will still be away from their children for a while. You aren’t alone and we are all trying to do the best for our families.

Takeaway message

Being a mom nurse is a challenging task that requires a lot of sacrifices. Despite that, many moms experience constant guilt that interferes with their quality of life. Listen to the latest episode of the Doctor Nurse Unscripted podcast to hear how one mom took her demanding job as a PA and mom and developed a community to help others!

I hope that this article will help you combat mom guilt as a nurse and live a happier, more fulfilling life.

If you have any questions about what we covered today, please feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section below.